| set me free into sweet misery |
[10 Feb 2009|04:18am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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tiesto ~ sweet misery |
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Do you really want to know
tell me
tell me
can you feel me letting go
slowly
i'm scared to
fall into you
but i want to
feel you touch you know you
and i want to
so i let you set me free
into sweet misery
sweet misery
there's a hunger do you know
feed me
feed me
it's getting harder not to show
free me
i'm scared to
fall into you
why you always try to see
through me
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| new blog! |
[03 Nov 2008|10:40pm] |
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mood |
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 excited |
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music |
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empire of the sun ~ walking on a dream |
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I made a music blog. Ch-check it out :-)
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) radiochambeau
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[12 Sep 2008|04:26am] |
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mood |
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excited |
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sooooooo tonight i have a fitting with a designer and might get to walk a runway show at boston fashion week!!!! i can't even sleep i'm so freakin excited!!!!! OMG
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[02 Sep 2008|11:22pm] |
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i am beyond happy. sigh :-)
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[11 Jan 2008|07:46pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
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you know i've spent all these years being bisexual but... the longer i continue dating men, the more i'm starting to believe my best relationships are with women. sexuality confuses me more and more as i get older. i appreciate qualities embodied by both genders but can't quite seem to find someone who can bring them ALL together in one delightful package. maybe i could find a feminine man? or a slightly masculine woman? who knows!
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[28 Dec 2007|04:39pm] |
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I am so sick and tired of being in this war with my body. I just want to be tiny - why is that so hard for other people to understand? They say I look fine the way I am but I just don't believe it. Instead I hide from the people I love and refuse to wear anything that might show my body shape. My boyfriend complains because my clothes are falling off me and my hipbones poke out too much and I look too skinny... I don't care. He's overreacting and so is everyone else. I admit it. I'm not ok. I am far from okay.
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[30 Jul 2007|12:42am] |
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i am eating like a normal person. my metabolism is shot to hell and i've been putting on weight i swear to god. i could not be more pissed off. i've been acting like such an asshole and when i'm happy i'm faking it. i hate being such a good actress.
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| some day... |
[05 Jul 2007|02:42pm] |
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mood |
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 wistful |
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music |
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one day i'll fly away ~ moulin rouge |
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honestly sometimes i wonder why i am in this family. not that i dislike them, they are nice people, but i feel like i don't fit in.
i feel like a character in a movie that was cast incorrectly. or maybe i'm just in the wrong movie altogether. except it's not as funny as i make it sound, i'm always the one getting in trouble, going to therapy, being bipolar, developing anorexia, everything about me is just fucked up and here i am in this nice little family where everyone else is just dandy, so my faults just look that much worse.
this must all sound terribly self-deprecating but really i'm just confused. what is my purpose here? what role was i cast to fill and can i break out of the "black sheep" role that i've been feeling for so long? more importantly why should i have to feel that way?
i am pretty happy being the way i am, but they want me to change. a lot. i don't think it's right. i don't think i'm on a self-destructive path but my parents keep trying to convince me that i am. i swear to god they drive me to disobey them by enforcing such ridiculous rules. it's a self-fulfilling prophecy that i can't seem to break out of. they spend so much energy trying to reign me in that i can't help but want to break free. some day...
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| i am on cloud nine |
[04 Jul 2007|01:00pm] |
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mood |
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 in love |
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music |
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laid ~ matt nathanson |
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so for anyone wondering how my date went last night...
sofa.king.awesome.
i didn't even bother to come home last night. my parents were so pissed they took away my cell phone. and i don't even care. that's how happy i am right now :-D
i think i'm in love *bats eyelashes and sighs dramatically*
omg drools
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| yay!! |
[03 Jul 2007|06:35pm] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
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music |
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eve ~ tambourine |
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HOLY SHIT I HAVE A DATE!!!!!!!!!
weeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!
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| RIP KELLY |
[26 Jun 2007|08:01pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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one of my best friends from rehab died monday in a car accident.
i'm really upset. i also want EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU TO KNOW that i love you very much and want you all to be safe.
love,
anastasia
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| john henry was a railroad man |
[24 Jun 2007|07:08pm] |
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mood |
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 wicked buff |
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music |
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workin 9 to 5 ~ lady sovereign |
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alright i'm trying to stop moping around and pitying myself all the time. being bigger than i used to be has a lot of benefits. like.... WEILDING A PICK-AX!
i've been digging trenches throughout the yard to install an in-ground sprinkler system for my parents. talk about a cheap way to feel hella buff hahahaha. and physical activity increases endorphins which should cure my blues. the hair stays blue regardless of how i feel though ;-)
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[23 Jun 2007|02:16pm] |
i hate recovery.
i miss being skinny
and i miss being pretty.
i hate that i cry myself to sleep.
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| another poem |
[20 Jun 2007|04:38pm] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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music |
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superchick ~ courage |
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this one scared me a little bit after i finished it, so i'm putting it behind a cut.
( one more ) and before anyone gets nervous and asks - no. i didn't cut. i'm ok.
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| poem |
[16 Jun 2007|05:34pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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i decided that in lieu of doing anything self-destructive when i get upset, i'd write poetry instead. because self-destruction is bad, and though poetry can be bad too, at least it's relatively harmless right?
so damn perfect
I’ve seen it before
and I’ll see it again
perfection from the start
nobody knows how hard you try
you try so hard
no one knows that you cry
you try so hard
no one knows when you lie
because you’re so damn perfect
but I can see you when you crawl
and I see how much you bleed
perfection is an art
and you cry so hard
no one knows you at all
I know how much you lie
but you’re so damn perfect
I’ve seen it before
and they’re seeing it now
perfection from the start
no one knew how hard you tried
so perfect no one knew that you’d fall
so perfect no one even knew you at all
but I knew
and you were so damn beautiful.
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| i am in love with my new icon |
[16 Jun 2007|03:54pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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nine inch nails ~ sunspots |
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no seriously. i laugh every time i see it.
that is all.
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| distress |
[13 Jun 2007|11:32am] |
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mood |
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anxious |
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sooo yesterday... i went to the doctor and found out not only am i anemic (lack of iron in the diet, which can make you really tired, cranky and depressed) but from throwing up my food so much i've damaged a couple internal organs. pancreas and liver i believe. still not sure how bad the damage is, i'm getting more tests done and should find out soon :-/ but i'm really scared and i can't believe i'm 21 years old and i already messed with myself this badly. seriously this is one of those "i never thought it could happen to me" moments. i just hope it's something i can fix.
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[02 Jun 2007|07:37pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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umbrella ~ rihanna |
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i got a haircut today and here's a better picture of the blue tips. my hairdresser just shook her head at me hahahahahaha :-)
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